Hello, hello to all of you out there in Magic Toaster Land. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, the magic toaster is the computer, which is thus referenced by the technologically unsavvy, as in, "I turn on Magic Toaster, but no toast. What happen?" I have been on a history riff lately (when am I not?). Recently I rewatched the BBC series I, Claudius (1976), and was once again struck by the very close interpretation of the series to the Robert Graves' books, and those books to
the historical record. For those of you who saw the series the first time around, you should rent it and see it again; for those of you who have never seen it, run, do not walk, to the video store, take it home and watch in horrified and amazed fascination the history of the founding of the Empire and the Julian dynasty that started it. This all began when, for some unknown reason, I began to mind-drift into speculation about the Teutoburg Forest disaster in 9 A.D. A familiar story for a Roman history buff, 
when Publius Quinctilius Varus, through a series of disastrous decisions and miscalculations lost the XVII, XVIII and XIX legions in the Teutoburg Forest to Arminius, a Roman trained German rebel leader. The golden legion eagle standards were later recovered, but the shame was endless. Naturally Varus committed suicide upon losing the battle (better than facing Augustus' wrath back in Rome). I have even toyed with the idea of visiting the Teutoburg Forest and, in particular, the Hermannsdenkmal, the monument erected by Germany in the 19th century to commemorate the very symbolic Germanic victory over Rome. After the battle, the Rhine became forever the boundary between the Roman empire and the "lands beyond." Lest you think, "How German, how very European of them," there is a similar Hermannsdenkmal in New Ulm, Minnesota, also erected in the 19th century. So if a trip to Germany is out of the question, try Minnesota. I myself have doubts about traveling in Germany, despite its position as the powerhouse economy and one of the two founding countries of the European Union (the other is France, of course. They became tired always surrendering to the Germans.) I dislike Germany. My father's family was mainly of German/Prussian extraction, which no doubt accounts for so many disagreable qualities in their makeup. I traveled in Germany once, almost four decades ago and aside from getting very drunk in Munich for Oktoberfest, did not enjoy the country at all. Of course, it must be said that at that time I did not enjoy France at all, either. I lived in Rome,
traveling mainly to Greece and Spain for pleasure and fun. At any rate, back to Rome. From the founding of the Empire (not to be confused with the founding of Rome), until the partition of the empire by Constantine, there were forty-four emperors, reigning a total of 311 years. The Eastern Roman empire, otherwise known as the Byzantine empire, continued another 1000 years, but for all intents and purposes it was no longer the Roman empire. The famous Pax Romana lasted only 200 years. The emperors were, in order; Augustus 27BC-14AD; Tiberius 14-37; Caligula 37-41; Claudius 41-54; Nero 54-68; Galba 68-69; Otho 69; Vitellius 69; Vespasian 69-79; Titus 79-81; Domitian 81-96; Nerva 96-98; Trajan 98-117; Hadrian 117-138; Antoninus Pius 138-161; Marcus Aurelius 161-180; (Pax Romana ends); Commodus 180-192; Pertinax 193; Didius Julianus 193; Septimius Severus 193-211; Caracalla 211-217; Macrinus 217; Heliogabulus 218-222; Alexander Severus 222-235; Maximinus 235-238; Gordian I and Gordian II 238; Pupienus and Balbinus 238; Gordian III 238-244; Philip the Arabian 244-249; Decius 249-251; Gallus 251-253; Aemilian 253; Valerian and Gallienus 253-260; Gallienus 260-268; Claudius II 268-270; Aurelian 270-275; Tacitus 275; Probus 276-282; Carus 282-283; Carinus and Numerianus 284.If a genie were to appear on your doorstep and grant you an historical lifetime during the Roman empire, be sure and choose the time between Nerva and Marcus Aurelius, a period known as the Five Good Emperors. Of course, you would miss the splendors of the Baths of Caracalla, but you would also miss Caligula, Nero, Commodus and Heliogabulus, all devoutly to be avoided.Devi and I are in a state of lassitude at the moment. The DHOSF languishes under the oppressive heat and humidity of summer in the south of France, not quite the Grace Kelly/Cary Grant storybook locale so many are
apt to imagine. Air conditioning (la climatisation) is still a luxury in France, and while one can have it installed, it is expensive to begin and remains expensive to run, the price of European electricity being ruinous. (On the other hand, I am watching the insane circus going on in the USA over health care reform and thank the gods that I live in France.) The indigenous, woad-painted population suffers as well, as typified by our neighbors, a French version of the battling Bickersons. With the windows wide open, one is witness to their daily morning ritual, the hysterical screaming match complete with tears, crying and bellowing. They are raising her grandchildren because their mother is somewhat occupied with her newest worthless boyfriend. We have become rather accustomed to the drama as it serves, much like a cock's crow, to signal that the day has indeed begun. Also, it makes me smirk; they really should remember that when they had
their Revolution in 1789, they obliterated their learned, intelligent, mannered classes and were left with a population of screaming, ignorant, savage peasants who still lurk beneath a very thin veneer of acculturation and civilization. France is also a showcase exhibit for two great Western world traditions, women shaming men, "Why would you do this to me?", and the greatest justification in the world for selfishness - a baby. (Please do not bother to respond with outrage or contrary examples, I already know. And besides, I do not care.) Yet, I continue to live here, for many reasons. In all my travels so far, it remains the best place to live that I have found. Yes, I remain American and yes, I am proud to be American, but that does not equate with the idea that I find America a civilized place to live, I do not. The next time that you are rushed to the hospital emergency room for whatever, I will compare my 16 € bill with anything you may produce. For those of you not at the hospital but at home downloading music and worrying if the industry police are watching your every move, check out WE7 and 
Spotify (Europe only right now, but soon in North America). Music for free, legally.Let us slip over to the other side of the Mediterranean for a moment to remark that Nigeria is the world's second largest consumer of Guinness beer, after England. Yes, Ireland falls behind Nigeria, amazing, is it not? It gives new meaning to the phrase, "black Irish." Our good friend, Prof. Oyalindamalo Ndomba, who teaches at an American university, states that the reason is that the Nigerians add local hallucinogenic herbs to the brew which is licensed to Nigerian breweries, but I can find no hard evidence to back up this assertion. She swears it is true, however, and I have a tendency to believe her, as she has so often been correct in the past.
Slipping further east, I remark the tales of male rape coming out of Iran. You
remember, of course, when Mahmoud Ahmedinejad spoke at Columbia University in New York City, he replied to a question with the statement, "We have no homosexuality in Iran. That is a Western sickness." He was hooted and hollered at, laughed almost off the stage. The stories coming out of Iran are that young men who have been arrested, especially during the recent unrest and protests over the Iranian election, are routinely brutally sodomised in prison by officials, usually with an 'instrument", and their internal organs are permanently injured or destroyed, with no hope of ever again leading a normal life with normal biological cycles. The Taliban is chopping 
off the dye-stained fingers of women who voted in the recent Afghani election. Note that it is women they are mutilating, no stories yet of men being mutilated - my, what brave, ideologically pure lads they are. When I was a child, I used to use Elmer's Glue® to make "fake skin" on the palm of my hand or fingers - spread it, let it dry and peel it off. It occurs to me that were I an Afghani female, I would coat my index finger in such a manner, let them dip it in the ink to show that I had voted and immediately peel it off upon exiting the polling station. Provided I could obtain paste glue in Afghanistan, of course. (In the unlikely case that you have not already seen it, please go to YouTube and watch "Achmed the Dead Terrorist", it is quite funny.) Another lovely place to be a woman is India, where 40% of the world's
marriages take place. Despite the laws, child brides are still common and after marriage, they move in with their husbands' families where they are subjected to virtual enslavement by the family, especially the mother-in-law. If they do not completely please the mother-in-law, they are doused with kerosene and set on fire. Yes, this is true. Their dowry is kept and they are left to die. "Time to look for a new wife!" says the husband's mother. Malaysia has decided to postpone the judicial caning until after 
Ramadan, which started last Friday, of a young woman for drinking a beer. She is to receive six strokes. Now, while you may be thinking, "Six strokes of the cane? Unpleasant, yes, but not that big of a deal," think again. This is not an English prep school, and these canings are not "spankings." Check out the pictorial evidence on the Web if you care to inform yourself, it is brutal, ugly, horrifying, agonizing and medieval. You are strapped into an apparatus that leaves you exposed from your shoulder blades down to your knees, and the canes are not little whippety things, think more along the lines of leather and bamboo construction poles. You may be internally injured for life, you will certainly be forever scarred. Meanwhile our televisions (CNN) are awash with colorful, utopian advertisements for Malaysian tourism, stating, "Malaysia - Asia as it was meant to be!" It will be a cold day on the surface of the sun before I EVER visit Malaysia. We may, more or less, blame the British for this; their colonial empire spread the British taste for rum, sodomy and the lash throughout their former possessions, and although radical Islam has given it all certain "refinements", it remains deeply British. To be fair, imperial China did not historically help greatly in the cause of humane punishment, either. The world continues to bathe in a basin of barbarism, brutality and blood - we are not a spiritual, shining species. 
In speaking of spirituality, I am reminded that the Grand Hierophant has informed me that he is still hard at work defining and refining the precepts of the Path of Totality. While he is not yet ready to disseminate these precepts, he tells me that at this point most of the work is in a refining stage, and he feels confident that it will soon be ready. Confident enough, in fact, to begin to accept, on a limited basis, questions of faith from those who in earnest seek a new, better path to self-realization. You may contact him at: grandhierophant@hotmail.fr .
I shall end this blog entry with another excerpt from the Egyptian Book of the Dead: The Book of Going Forth by Day. Wherever you read the name of Ani, I suggest you replace it with your own. With that in mind:
Chapter 134: Praising Re on the first day of the month and sailing in the divine bark
Hail to Him who dwells in his shrine, who rises and shines, who imprisons myriads
at his will and who gives commands to the sun-folk, Khepri who dwells in his Bark, for he has felled Apophis. It is the children of Geb who will fell you, you enemies of Ani, who would demolish the Bark of Re. Horus has cut off their heads in the sky like birds, and their goat-buttocks are in the Lake of Fish. As for any male or female adversary who would do harm to Ani, whether he is one who shall descend from the sky or ascend from the earth, who shall come by water or travel in company with the stars, Thoth the son of an eggshell who came out of the two eggshells shall decapitate them. Be dumb, be deaf before Ani! This is Re, this god mightily terrible and greatly majestic; he will bathe in your blood, he will drink of your gore, O you who would do much harm to Ani in the Bark of his father Re. Ani is Horus; his mother Isis bore him, Nephthys nursed him, just as they did for Horus, in order to drive away the confederacy of Seth, and they see the Wereret-crown firm-planted on his head. The spirits of men and gods and the spirits of the dead fall on their faces when they see Ani as Horus, with the Wereret-crown firm-
planted on his head; they fall on their faces when Ani is triumphant over his enemies in the Upper Sky and the Lower Sky and in the tribunals of every god and every goddess. (To be spoken over a falcon standing with the White Crown on his head; Atum, Shu and Tefnut, Geb and Nut, Osiris and Isis, Seth and Nephthys being drawn in ochre on a new bowl placed in the Sacred Bark, together with an image of this spirit whom you wish to be made worthy, it being anointed with oil. Offer to them incense on the fire and roasted ducks, and worship Re. It means that he for whom this is done will voyage and be with Re every day in every place he desires to travel, and it means that the enemies of Re will be driven off in very deed. A matter a million times true.)Please do not forget to take the poll at the bottom of the blog, simply hit "End" and the page will shoot down to the poll, thank you. Well, thus ends another entry. Until the next,
Leducdor
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